Tonight I got on the bus later than usual because I had an appointment at H&R Block after work. It was one of the newer buses so I took a seat just past the door, pulled out my crisp new copy of Jo Nesbo's "The Redbreast" and settled in to start reading, minding my own business, as usual (™ Lindy) when all of a sudden...

A streak of red passed then sat beside me. A dude in red from head to toe: red ski hat, red down jacket, red track pants, even a red canvas briefcase. I mentally noted the coincidence between his color scheme and the title of my book, and the fact that he kind of looked like Ali G, then turned my attention back to my book. Then he started talking. Something like...

Yeah so, like I was saying, I'm trying to blah blah blah about this business and this product I been waiting for blah blah blah and oh isn't he such a savvy business man and blah blah blah and spreading his legs so wide his knee bumps mine and gesturing for emphasis 'cause yeah they gotta pull this together so I can keep it moving 'cause this is some really important shit, nome sane?

I turned the page and turned up the volume on my phone. The bus rambled on. A few stops later he hung/shut up. I read two more pages and a lady with a stroller and two kids cussed somebody out for not moving out of her way fast enough. Then he started talking again. I assumed he made the call  because I didn't hear a ringtone but couldn't be sure because I would.not.look. I would have eaten a dish of canned dog food before giving him the satisfaction of thinking I found him even remotely more interesting than anyone else on that bus.

Yeah man I mean I was over at Revolt and they said the content is out there and the album ain't even finished yet. So I guess ChooChoo and BooBoo or whatever-ridiculous-nickname-for-a-grown-man didn't talk about it first. Makes sense to me because once it's posted, nobody else is gonna wanna post it and I'm over here trying to get this sorted and they all pissed 'cause you know how Revolt is...

I should've known. Another Kanye wanna be, mogul in the making, negotiating/producing/marketing/designing because he's an entrepreneur and he does it all, man, everyday he's  hustlin, hustlin, hustlin... and sitting on the B38, right next to me and a man who got cussed out for not accommodating a stroller he didn't purchase and children he didn't produce.

It's Brooklyn, so chances are there IS someone on that bus who really does have it going on: running a start up with technology someone is about to pay a ton to acquire, publishing a hot website, in a band with a gazillion Twitter followers, or writing an indie film DeNiro is interested in funding... but this dude ain't one of them and I'm not the only one on the bus who knows it.

So why is he making such a commotion with these imaginary phone calls with imaginary partners for an imaginary deal with imaginary issues that only he can handle? And why did he have to sit next to me?

Why?